Driving through the southern counties of England last weekend, I was fiddling with the FM radio tuning knob as you do - drifting from local station to local station - when I came across a new one on me ... "Radio Smooth". The music was smooth, the adverts were smooth and the DJ's were smarm-dripping velvety vocal-chord merchants who doubled up as Disney voice-over men. (And with such sincerity too). I listened through the melange of nice, warm, sweet songs. Feeling 'Mmm Mmm'; it was like pissing in the swimming pool. Sweeter than a baby possum dipped in golden syrup.
Anyway, I got to thinking that I never seem to post any smooth music on this 'ere blog. It invariably seems to be edgy stuff from me. Or stuff that's rougher than a bear's arse. Loud or gruff, or full of funny (peculiar and ha-ha) angular statements. Could this say something about me? I mean, my old compatriot London Lee at No 1 Songs In Heaven effortlessly posts songs that are smoother than a bucket of snake shit drizzled in finest Tuscan olive oil. How come such smoothness doesn't come naturally to me? I mean, it wasn't as if I was abused as a child; I was always in bed by the time my Dad came home from the pub. I like to think I'm a well-rounded individual. (I also received adequate counselling following the incident with the chicken).
Well, I've found a bona fide smooth one for you! A US male vocalist called Gregory Abbott. Hang on a minute while I Google him in ... http://www.vh1.com/artists/az/abbott_gregory/bio.jhtml seems to encapsulate the fellow quite nicely. I do like the idea that he coined the term "Groove Ballad". I mean how fuckin' smooth is that? Not only that (but much like meself), "Gregory is a favourite with the ladies for his sophisticated demeanor and intelligent green eyes". It also says here that "Shake You Down" went to number one on the Billboard pop, R&B and dance singles charts, and was the number three Pop Song of the Year in the magazine's year-end review of 1986. The platinum single became the fastest song in the history of BMI to reach one million airplays, and won BMI's Pop Song of the Year award as the most performed song.
Well, there you go. The evidence is as clear as a bulldog's testes; ... I think it's smooth - and so did loads of other folk! Consequently, by definition, ipso facto, I must be 1 smooth mutha ... with soulful strength and intensity too! I'm happy now - I feel like King Kong on 'Free Banana Night'.
Next week, I'll mostly be posting The Slits. Also if you would like to purchase some more of this old smoothie click here.